


We found love (in a holy place)

by strangerfanz



Category: Christian Bible, Shrek (Movies)
Genre: It’s good, JUST, M/M, Or not, Please read, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Smut, enjoy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:20:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22125511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangerfanz/pseuds/strangerfanz
Summary: shrek and jesus fuck
Relationships: deadpool/beetlejuice, jesus christ/shrek
Comments: 11
Kudos: 10





	1. The beginning of forever

**Author's Note:**

> i am so sorry for this. please just whatever happens keep reading, it’s worth it. also it’s literally all smut first chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is basically rick rolling people with fanfics. enjoy and share please.

Jesus walked into a bar, eyeing the lorge ogre sitting across from him. He sat down and ordered a vodka with holy wine. 

“Aye lad, ya new around here?” the enchanting green skin man said, his voice low and musky.

Jesus immediately felt himself get hard.

“Uhhh, so uh, what’s your name?” Jesus asks, his voice filled with lust and want. 

The tall green man stood up at full high and revealed his rippling muscles and hot daddy bod. Jesus blushed looked away.

“I’m shrek lassie, and what about you aye?” the ogre said, walking over to jesus and sitting himself impossibly close. If jesus wasn’t hard before, he sure was now.

“I am Jesus of Nazareth.” he replied. it was hard to ignore the growing bump on his lap.

“Well, it's nice to meet ya jesus. Ya know, for someone so white and robbed, you sure are hot. Those robes hide nothing, I can see everything.” Shrek eyed jesus growing member in his robes. 

Jesus licked his lips, and moaned. “That was the intention,” he slowly put his lips on the straw of his vodka holy wine, teasing shrek. “How do you feel about that, daddy?” 

The bartender, a strange man in a red and black suit, looked at the two and said,”Daddy’s getting. date tonight”

jesus and shrek looked at the man then at each other, and realized that he wasn’t looking at them, but at another, man dressed in a black and white stripped suit, with green hair and looked like he didn’t know what a shower was. The bartender jumped over the bar and grabbed the stripped man and started to make out on the table.

Shrek grabbed jesus by the cock and dragged him into the men’s bathroom, easily hoisting him up on the counter. Their lips slid together perfectly as shrek slid his tongue against Jesus’s bottom lip looking for an entrance which jesus happily provided. Jesus started to grind intensely on shrek's thicc cock and moaned. 

“Oh daddy, I love the way you’re cock feels against mine” Shrek groaned deeply. Shrek slowly removes his membrane from his pants, as jesus looks at it as if to were the first meal he had ever gotten.

“I want you to blow me Jesus, and I want you to blow me good and deep until I cum in your mouth.” 

“Yes daddy, of course.” Jesus moaned and quickly got to work. He began to tease shreks penis, but shrek roared in disapproval. He grabbed Jesus’s head and looked him deep in the eyes. In a strong accent he said, “No foreplay laddie, i just want ya to make me cum. As fast as ya can. Ya understand baby?” 

“Forgive me father for I have sinned.” Jesus said remorsefully. A wicked look began to form in his eye as he said, “Sorry Daddy I’ve been naughty.” 

Jesus wrapped his lips around shreks thick cock and began to bob his head quickly.

Shrek let out a loud moan, not caring who heard as he grabbed jesus hair and shoved him deep on his length so that he would gag. 

jesus resisted the urge to cough, and continued to suck on the green man's considerably sized member.

Shrek came with a roar in Jesus' mouth, and jesus could taste onions. Like a good boy, he swallowed all of the liquid.

“Thank you daddy, that was incredible,” jesus said with awe. 

Jesus got back up on his legs but before he could fully stand he was swiftly bent over the counter.

Knowing what was coming, jesus arched his back, waiting for the huge green man to enter his ass. With one large thrust shrek entered jesus’ tight hole with a groan.

“Baby, your so tight” shrek said as he sunk deeper into Jesus’s ass

“DADDY!!” Jesus cried out with a scream. “DADDY IT FEELS SO GOOD!!” 

Shrek smirked, as he thrust his dick into Jesus ass once more. His cock was so good in his tight ass, and he knew he would be cumming soon. 

Jesus couldn’t hold on much longer. As Shrek was pounding in his ass, Jesus began to stroke his cock, itching for his release. 

“Oh yeah baby, touch yourself, make yourself feel good.” Shrek gasped out

Soon enough they both came onto the bathroom sink as Jesus’s knees gave way putting all his weight against the counter as cum dropped out of his hole and down his dick. Jesus looked pleased as he slowly came down from his orgasm.

Shrek looked down at the younger man and said, “Well, there’s more where that came from if you come back with me to my swap” remembering that his wife and three kids were away, visiting the old queen of Far Far Away. 

Authors quotes  
“I mean, I would give shrek a blowjob too if it meant free onion rings” -Eva 2020

“I mean if i wasn’t going to hell before i am now.” -liv 2020

“wait is jesus a top or bottom?”  
-eden 2020


	2. oh god

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i hate myself

what the fuck was i on when i wrote this oh my god i’m going to hell

**Author's Note:**

> enjoy the shrek X jesus crack fic
> 
> shout out to ma hoes
> 
> see if you can spy the deadpool/beetlejuice cameo


End file.
